Really? A man is your big money rescue?

image depicting a man being a big money rescue

 

There’s something that has concerned me as long as I can remember.

 

It is this belief, approach, whatever you want to call it that even in these gender-enlightened times, women are still thinking of and using men as their money rescue or financial security. Really?

 

And as if to prove me right, just last week, I was sitting in a small restaurant, day dreaming about the food I had ordered. Right alongside the scent of the pan-fried dolphin, the following conversation floated into my consciousness.

Well-dressed, office-type voice:

…I don’t know…I’ve been working a long time and I still don’t seem to be moving forward. I can barely meet my expenses, my savings are getting smaller and smaller, I need new clothes and my car need some repairs…sometimes I wonder what I’m working for!?!

 

Heavily made-up, too-tight clothes, office-type voice:

…I know what you mean…I’m kinda in the same place. As a matter of fact, I’m desperate to realise my dreams before 45 (years)…

 

Well-dressed, office-type voice:

Dreams? You lucky you can dream…

 

Heavily made-up, too-tight clothes, office-type voice:

Girl! There aint nutting wrong wid dreaming…I want a lil house…you know… three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a jacuzzi, a nice lawn…in a nice neighborhood… (lowered voice) I already looking at some men wid money to, you know…to help out…

 

Wuhloss!

 

I admit. They were not talking to me but I moved one table down so I could think without interruption.

 

Why do some women (too many) continue to see men as their money rescue? Do they have any idea of the consequences? Or maybe I just need to get with the program?

 

Here are some of the implications of using men as your money rescue 

 

You have to be selling what the man is buying

Men with money who are in a position to bankroll you are looking for a young, very attractive woman. All the studies in this area indicate quite simply: women want money, men want beauty.

 

So if a man with money is to be your big money rescue, just make sure you have the looks and the youth to swing it. Oh! And be willing to give the sex…some of it just might be with his friends.

 

He who pays the piper calls the tune

Yeah baby…he sure does. I know this from up close.

 

I once had a girlfriend who used to have enough money to buy everything she wanted. She lived in a nice place, had a car while most of us were still catching the bus and of course she travelled regularly.

 

I was envious. After all, I was a single mum with a full time job and sewing for my colleagues on the side. And my cash flow still felt like I was buying ice and frying it.

 

Then one night she called me crying. When I went to her, I discovered that she had bravely told the married man who was here money rescue and ATM, she was finished.

 

Well lookout! All licks broke loose! And this time, he didn’t care where they landed.

 

He was paying the piper and he was calling the tune. She would finish with him when HE said she was finished!

 

A man as your money rescue is more unstable than the stock market

It sounds weird but it is true.

 

You get a man to be your financial plan and you’re set for life. Until any one of the following events happens:

 

  • The man dies without telling you and you’re not in his will.
  • Your breasts begin to sag, your waistline thickens and a few strands of grey hair appear around your hairline…and in other places. These were never part of the deal so, so-long!
  • The man decides your monthly allowance does not allow him to buy that much needed racehorse so he cuts it in half or stops it altogether.
  • “Something” younger, hotter, prettier, sexier dangles the promise of an eternal fountain of youth in front of him. Who needs an old, tired, predictable 35 year-old like you?
  • His Viagra no longer seems to be working…and you’re to    blame.

 

If a man is not your big time money rescue, what’s the alternative?

 

You can be your own big time money rescue. You can be SaSsy!

 

I been told that that’s easier said than done but I don’t agree.

 

Coming up with a financial plan for your own life is no harder than the effort I see women put into using a man as a financial plan. Furthermore the dividends are far greater.

 

For starters, you are in control of your own money and your financial future.

 

There is incredible self-esteem in earning, spending and managing your own money. I remember reading the memoir of civil rights activist Myrlie Evers: Watch Me Fly: What I Learned on the Way to Becoming the Woman I Was Meant to Be.

 

What impressed me the most was that one of the things she learnt was the importance of having your own money, regardless of whom you were married to and how much money he had.

 

I will never forget that and you shouldn’t either. Your happiness and self-esteem depend on it.

 

Now I’m no Susie Orman but here’s a sample of how I work with women in my “Release the Brakes” programme. I am sure it will help you too.

 

Do the inner work first

I’m not preaching spirituality (not here, anyway) but I’ve always found that if I want to make significant change in my life, it’s lasting if I do the inner work first.

 

I begin by describing the kind of person who is already whom I want to become. I do that by asking a series of questions, like:

 

  • How does she navigate her world?
  • How does she earn her money? Spend it? Save it?
  • How does she hold her head?
  • What does she do when she is challenged?
  • How quickly does she make decisions?

 

When I’ve done this part, then I’m ready for the external actions which I must take to move me forward quickly.

 

Take a look at your money situation

In doing this, look at it honestly and if you can, without beating up on yourself. Remember: honesty is a must.

 

Look at your debt – acknowledging it in its entirety. You know very well what I mean. I mean the habit of “forgetting” a part of your debt because you can’t believe you have racked up so much of it.

 

Examine the way you spend money and what you spend it on. Do you make a lot of impulse purchase? Are you into retail therapy?

 

What about your savings? Do you have any? Do you have planned savings? Or do you wait to save what’s left back after your spending?

 

I always advise my clients to treat savings as an expense similar to a utility bill – it has to be paid.

 

Include your earnings – what you currently earn, your earning potential, what you can do to earn more. You will be surprised at what you find.

 

Decide how you will be your own money rescue

This is where you come up with a plan to turn around your approach to your finances.

 

Personality matters in this step. If you are uncomfortable with taking big steps then don’t. Take the baby steps you’re comfortable with. This is important because money has its own emotional challenges.

 

I like to tackle debt first but you may want to do it differently.

 

If you have a man as your money rescue, devise an exit plan

 

Yes you should…but be careful about how you implement it.

 

Sorry I have no real advice in this area because I have no idea of the personality or disposition of your “money rescue” – but you do.

 

I can only warn you that if you feel you don’t have the capacity to do it by yourself, get professional help.

 

Final thoughts…

 

I need to stress here that I am not telling you that you should not allow a man to share his money with you and you yours with him. That is a position that a mature relationship between two consenting adults can handle.

 

But depending on a man for your financial support, as your money rescue, as your forever ATM is something I find frightening.

 

But if it works for you…I ain’t judging you…

 

 

 

 

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