7 Serious Things You Do That Are Really Not Worth It!
Okay…Let’s admit it. Not everything you do in this life will be worth it.
You know…like cussing out the baby sitter and firing her without thinking about a replacement. Or…
Being a smart-ass with the traffic cop and ending up having to pay a $350 fine. Or…
Even cussing out your boss’ wife. You really could have kept your job if you had cussed HIM out instead.
There’re the really BIG life-altering things.
You know…the ones that go to the very core of who you are. The ones you hope your children and your grandchildren never hear about. The ones that will make you run off the road when you’re driving and they suddenly cross your minds.
Well, I’ve collected just 7 of those…yeah 7 of the serious things we women are inclined to do that are just-not-worth-it.
So don’t let me keep you waiting any longer…let’s dive right in.
1. Changing yourself to please a man
There are 5 years that will be forever etched in memory.
Not because I was totally enjoying living on my own. Or even because I had finally won the war with myself.
But because I learnt firsthand the total lack of self-esteem required to change yourself for a man, and the ever possible danger of doing so.
During that time Dale, Janice and I were inseparable and so too it seems were Dale and her partner whom we shall call David.
Over that period Janice and I watched in total consternation as Dale changed everything to please David. She changed the way she looked, the things she valued and her values. She exchanged her fabulous dreams for the horrible nightmares that were David’s dreams.
After a while, we no longer recognized her. The laughing, vivacious Dale had become a shy withdrawn woman, dependent on her man for every idea she had. For every thought that came into her mind. And ultimately for every breath she breathed.
And when she had nothing more to give, he physically abused her as punishment, in ways I don’t want to describe.
Did Janice and I try to intervene?
In every way we could think of and as far as Dale would allow. Up to and including begging her to get the legal and professional help that we were willing to pay for.
Ultimately Dale died. Lost and alone. And David lives on…happily ever after.
This story, while extreme and tragic, is unfortunately true. It is also not even as isolated as I would like it to be.
Many times, as I worked with women, I come across too many examples of the length women will go to, to change themselves for a man.
STOP! It’s just not worth it.
I’m not saying you should not work on your imperfections (as you determine them to be) or confront your demons, so that you become an emotionally healthy person.
BUT do it for yourself, not to please a man.
Moreover, you should put tremendous distance between you and any man who wants you to change to please him. You cannot have a healthy relationship with such a man, unless you’re equally sick.
In the words of my life’s anthem, Lobo’s Love me for what I am, “you simply can’t give any more of your soul away and still look yourself in the mirror everyday…”
2. Trying to change a man to suit you
Of the serious “not worth it” things you can do, right up there with changing yourself to please a man, is trying to change a man to suit you.
I knew this early in my life and I knew it firsthand.
No, no! I never tried to change a man…but I watched my mother try.
You see, my mother was a single mom and ever so often, a new boyfriend would try very hard to become a longtime fixture in our lives.
To make the grade, the poor man had to agree (without being asked) to allow my mother to “make him into a man.”
No sooner as she made the decision, the following descended on the poor man:
- She told him what to wear and how
- She told him what to eat and when
- He had to provide proof of cleanliness in order to touch her
- His teeth had to be freshly brushed for a peck on her cheeks
- I am still unaware of the requirements for sex
Not many of them withstood this onslaught for long. And as they all departed, my mother tearfully lamented how ungrateful they were and how she took them from the gutter and made men of them.
Really Mum?! Was it worth it?
I say emphatically “NO” and not only because of the sad experience with my mother. But because even as I look around me, I see so many of you desperately insisting on changing a man and some of you even declaring that “you have 50 years to do it!”
This scares me so much.
Furthermore, I can think of so many other worthwhile ways to spend 50 years, that guarantees you happiness.
You see, any man who agrees to this or tolerates it is as sick as the one that did stay with my mother turned out to be.
You don’t make them into men. On the contrary, you create monsters which over time, you do not recognize and can no longer control. Just ask my mother.
Moreover, you are blinding yourself to what could be a fabulous relationship, if you would just accept a man for who he is instead of trying to change him into God knows what.
Listen Ladies…Stop! There must be a better alternative!
3. Feeding yourself a diet of (trashy) TV
Let me declare upfront. I have nothing against television. I watch some myself.
But recently, I was confronted by the fact that so many women spend so much time watching television. And not much of it is good TV, either.
During my mother’s last days on this earth, we decided that my younger sister would come over to my house and look after her during the day. So when she was not caring for my mother, she watched television.
OMG…I had no idea such mindless, empty shows existed – Keeping Up With the Kardashians – being the one I absolutely hate!
Naturally, I started my own research and I was shocked to discover that my sister has far more company than I had at first realized. Even many working women, especially those past child-rearing years, come home from work and do little more that watch television until they fall asleep.
An incredible amount of research has been conducted into the harmful effect of watching too much television. The findings range from missing out on a meaningful and productive life to brain damage and the early onset of Alzheimer disease.
This post by Michael Pollock pulls an interesting set of this research together.
But even more telling are the reasons why you watch so much TV…
For many of you, there’s not much worthwhile going in your lives, so you live vicariously through the television characters. For others, it is a cure for meaningless relationships and loneliness in your life.
But using television to replace a meaningless life? Seriously?
I’m here to tell you that regardless of your age, you have the potential to live an excellent & fulfilling life.
So turn off the television right now! Trust me, you won’t die…
Get out a good old fashion pen and some paper and write your vision for the next 5 years of your life…I don’t care if you’re 35 or 75 years! Next, decide on the first step towards your goal. And take it!
You are worth it!
4. Giving unsolicited advice
You would be amazed how many women are inclined to give unsolicited advice. Chances are, you do too!
The advice I’m talking about is the type that’s very intrusive, designed to break up friendships and definitely not worth it!
Here’s what I mean.
Recently I was listening to two girlfriends catching up on each other lives, when all of a sudden, one declared:
“You doing what? Marrying that man? Girl…listen to me…if you know what’s good for you, you won’t marry that man, hear!”
Say what!? Both me and the woman receiving the advice could not believe our ears…
Where do you get off telling somebody who to marry? Are you their relationship coach? Even if you know the man, you have no idea what type of relationship a marriage between the two of them will produce.
Needless to say, the “advisor” was not invited to the wedding and the relationship between her and the bride has cooled significantly.
Giving unsolicited advice is seldom worth it…if you doubt me, check and see that you don’t even take your own advice in similar circumstances.
And please don’t fool yourself into believing that “close friends” gives you any inherent right to disrespect the proper boundaries of friendship.
The sensible thing to do is to wait until you’re asked for any advice, especially about your friends’ intimate relationships.
And even then, my unsolicited advice to you is to think twice before you “drop it like it’s hot!”
5. Allowing life to constantly blindside you
One of my girlfriends and I have this thing we call “Bright Girl Whip Lash!”
We use this expression to describe the odd instance when something we absolutely did not see coming, happens to either one of us. For us, because we think we’re so bright, it really feels like whiplash.
So we have to pick it apart, analyse it and decide what we will do to make sure it doesn’t happen to us again.
You see, we know it’s not worth it to allow life to constantly blind-side you.
But what about you?
All around me I watch women repeat the same mistakes, again and again.
How many times must a “friend” share the most intimate details of your personal life before you realise that such a person cannot be your friend?
How could you not see that you were going to be overlooked for the promotion when the writing was on the wall in all CAPS?
And you only knew that your teenage son was selling drugs when he was arrested? Come on! He lives in your house…
How many times must something happen to you before you wise-up?
YES! you repeat the same mistakes over and over, regardless of the whiplash.
But here’s the thing…
When you’re constantly being caught off-guard and allowing life to blindside you, we both know that you’re being lazy and irresponsible.
The alternative requires you to live a life of foresight and reflection, in which you anticipate situations and plan for them.
That’s not in your comfort zone…is it? But you won’t regret it!
6. Not exercising regularly
Yeah…you know what I mean…physical activity to make your body strong and healthy.
Let’s talk about the benefits of exercising:
- It’s a keystone habit – that is, it encourages other good habits
- Regular exercise helps you to control your weight
- It reduces your risk of heart disease, and
- Improves your mental health and your mood
- This habit increases your self confidence
- It improves your sexual health (and performance too!)
- I know it improves your sleep,
- Reduces the risks of some cancers,
- Increases your chances of living longer,
- And keeps you looking and feeling younger
I didn’t pull these benefits out of some dark recess in my mind, they are facts backed by so much solid research. If that’s the case, you would think that everyone who is able, would be exercising regularly.
Here are some of the excuses you women make for not exercising.
- I don’t have time
- I hate exercising alone
- Me? I am too fat
- No childcare
- I can’t afford a gym
- I tried before and it didn’t work out
- Don’t have the energy
- Exercise is boring
- I don’t like working out around men
- I hate to see women with muscles
It’s sad …because I see your body and I watch how easily you become exhausted just going up 5 steps.
Look…I’m not asking you to be a gym rat. Heck, I’m not even asking you to go to the gym.
What I’m asking of you is to get past your excuses, forget the television, the social media and get moving! You have so many options.
Not exercising is one of those things that women do that is seriously not worth it.
7. Putting yourself last
If you’re guilty of this, raise your hand (left or right!)
Yeah…I knew they would be that many hands in the air.
Just to be clear, here’s what I’m talking about:
- You go to work and you do a fabulous job
- You are a candidate for “world’s best mum”
- Your partner can expect all the little acts of love from you
- Caring for your aging parents is a no-brainer
- The neighbours praise the meals you produce for the cookouts
- And you can’t say “NO” to your grandchildren
But what about you, Sweetheart?
- Do you have a vision for your life?
- What about that book you’re dreaming of writing?
- When last did you go on a trip or even take a day for yourself?
- Did you get a chance to buy yourself that sexy sweater?
- And what about your annual health checkup?
If you don’t put yourself first sometimes, you’ll always struggle with happiness and inner peace. It may look like you’re doing this honourable thing but what you’re really doing is setting yourself up to feel unfulfilled, depleted and depressed.
If you really want to serve others, then put yourself at the top of your own priority list and stop putting yourself last. They will love you or it! t!
What will you do next that would be worth it?
So…I gave you 7 things you do that are just not worth it. I’ve done my part.
Now what about you? what will you do that will make you jump up and punch the air and declare “YES!”?
I can’t decide for you but…if you tell me about it, I will celebrate with you.
But please do SOMETHING. Think about it: there are 2 transforming pains in life – the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
Remember, the pain of regret weighs a ton and it’s just not worth it!